Okay so I decided to wean. It's February, Bea was born in February, and so that makes it a year. As a breastfeeding pusher website once told me, this gives me the "Gold Award" and then many commenters promptly asked "Where can I pick up my award, tho?" I wish I were kidding.
I can't really believe I made it a year, especially because I'm not the biggest breastfeeding champion of the world. I just kind of do it. But I am proud I got this far, whether it was really on purpose or not.
Anyway. One of the main reasons I'm weaning is because I'm exhausted. Like really exhausted. We moved and she started sharing a room with HJ and then she got sick and then she cut three teeth at once and through all of it nursing was her comfort. So I gave in over and over at all hours of the night because I was too tired to fight it. Which I originally typed "figh tit", which kind of works?
One of the main ways my fatigue shows is with word finding problems. Some of which are so deep I've started to concern the people near me. When I need to say something I'll often stare into space for a good 30-60 seconds before I come up with, say, "pan."
Here are a few favorite things I've said without noticing:
"Mom! Follow Bea! She's got an owl!" (I meant apple.)
"Joe! Joe! Joe!" (Trying to get the dog, George, to come.)
"I'm so glad we bought Harper the honey baked ham for her birthday!" (I meant Easy Bake Oven.)
And then a couple days ago I posted a picture of Bea eating a pear to Instagram. I could not -- could not -- remember how to spell pear. First I wrote it pair. Then pare. Then as I was typing into Google "how to spell the fruit pare" I looked up and asked my mom and she, scared, helped a sister out.
We're down to two feedings a day and she's already sleeping (a bit) better. I feel like a strange dizzy monkey from the hormone changes and it's sad to see my baby shift into toddler mode, but I know this is all for the good. My body will be all mine and maybe I'll even sleep five whole hours in a row. I'm into goal setting this year and my newest one is remembering my middle name by the end of March.
I should not have been giggling throughout this post but that shit is funny. So much despair for a pear. (Despare for the pare. Despear for the pair.) It reminds me of the time I kept typing friday night lights into the google browser and was so mad that I couldn't seem to watch the show from there...because it wasn't Netflix. Sleep deprivation makes me the dumbest every time. I am glad I am able to keep my stupids mostly hidden at home but for real, how do, say, doctors, handle this kind of thing in their professional lives? Maybe they channel all their energy when it's needed and then are epically mixed up in their home lives?
ReplyDeleteDo you also get extremely clumsy? I lost a toenail to my recent sleep deprivation. I'm sorry, I'm the worst to share that. That should be kept a secret for eternity. The best part is I did the same thing during pregnacy insomnia. Neat-o! It's all very scary so I put a bandaid on it and am just not looking. Ever again.
i've done the google browser thing too!!
Deletei totally get scared about doctors and truck drivers and all those people operating on nothing...
lost a toenail?! will it grow back?? ouch ouchhhhhhh! i do get clumsy, but mostly in that i just start dropping EVERYthing. since moving here i've broken like 3 mugs and 4 bowls. dreaded plastic here i come...
I remember this all too well. It happened again recently when Keira was sick and then I got sick. I could not find my words and fell asleep sitting upright with ease. 5 hours right now until this cough goes away I guess. There is light at the end of the baby tunnel.
ReplyDeleteglad i'm not alone! i really do start worry when it gets super bad that maybe i'm having a stroke/developing a brain tumor?? and then i make my mom reassure me over and over again that i'm just tired... hope ms. blue eyes feels better soon!!
DeleteThis post made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am sleep deprived I will have memory blackouts the next day. I said what? I did what? I bought what? Baked cheetos? I hope the weaning will give you some more sleeps.
oooo baked cheetos. i'm hungry now.
Deletei have the black outs, too. the only one who keeps me accountable on that is my mom. she's like "yeah i told you that" "yeah i also told you that'... NO MEMORY. it's actually kind of terrifying?
Ms Blue Eyes is feeling better and my memory has returned. Sleep deprivation plays nasty tricks on you. I'm a bear w/o enough sleep. Like a B, but with an itch. From your recent posts I can tell adorable B will be just fine without breastfeeding.
ReplyDeleteMy word recall was so bad for awhile that Steve took an online quiz and determined I had dyslexia!!
ReplyDelete