Tuesday, June 16, 2015


Quick! Bea's napping! Harper is playing some coding game! Work doesn't need me for a sec!

-- Bea is now fully walking, nay, running. For a few weeks there she could walk, but was mostly still choosing to do her crab scoot. I wasn't bothered in the least except that she'd get super grimy at the playground and all her clothes had holes on one side and I was semi sick of other people wondering if there was a delay (she's only 15 months old, people). Then, suddenly, a few days ago she woke up and decided meh, I'mma walk. So she does now. It's like I live with a full time day drunk. I love it.

-- Harper's starting day camp tomorrow. She was quite disappointed to learn it wasn't sleepover camp as she'd already planned what to pack for a bunch of breakfasts. "Do my french toast sticks have peanuts in them, mom?" Related, I have no idea what I'll pack her for lunch as pb&j is our only real lunch success. And please know I will laugh in your face if you suggest sunflower butter. Or sorry, Harper will laugh in your face and I will probably cry a little.

-- I couldn't find my headphones yesterday as I left for work and was filled with a level of angst I feel wasn't really appropriate to the situation. I was so upset I stomped my foot waiting for my elevator. I hope someone saw me. How human beings commuted without music or podcasts filling their brainwaves is a head scratcher.

-- My little brother is getting married on Saturday. Bananas! HJ and I are taking the trip to Mass together and Bebe will stay behind with her dad. I'm excited for a hotel trip that doesn't involve a 4:40 wakeup call! Oh and I'm also excited to be getting a new sissy! I don't have one, you know.

-- I have really fallen down on the eating-like-a-grownup thing. I've been eating the strangest things at the strangest times. Last night I ate an oatmeal cookie when I got home from work and then forgot to eat again until 9:30 when I had fistfuls of popcorn and pretzel Goldfish. It's such a relief not having to cook that I sometimes forget it's actually nice to do it sometimes. Sometimes.

Baby awakens!

Friday, June 12, 2015


Okay this week has been crazy. Work is busy and personal life is busy and oh yes, I have two small children folk. All of the things are good, if not exhausting, if not intense, if not woah, I'm just tired.

Tonight I'm putting the girls to bed as early as humanly possible then I'm eating old takeout and working on the couch until I give up and will then commence bingeing on Orange is the New Black SEASON THREE YAAAAAS YAAAAAS MY QUEEN. I want to be asleep by 10:00.

Life as a part-time working mom is such a limbo land. Somedays we laze and run in the fire hydrant and make the house a giant mess, sometimes I put on booties and a dress and very loud music in my ears and I get going to work.

I like working. I like what I'm working on. I like wearing booties.

I'm struggling with this identity shift because I always thought I'd stay home with any kids I had till they were in preschool or kindergarten. I felt very strongly tied to my identity as a full time mother, honestly couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

And now I just feel differently. I'm a happier mom as a working mom. I'm a happier person as a working person. I feel tiny waves of guilt when I put that out there, when I admit it's not just for the money that I'm working. It's the oldest blah blah in the book, but it turns out many people want you to want to stay home with your kids. People squirm a little when you say otherwise. I know I used to!

I'm a little too tired to tie this up with a bow. But I think I want to tell people that this is a positive change for me and not to worry about me or wring their hands. Just like the idea of leaving my pretty old house in Connecticut seemed difficult to the outside world and it really wasn't at all. I think it might look like a really sudden change, this working life, this booties life, but was really a couple years in the making. So yes. I'm tired, but I'm good! I'm good.