Okay this week has been crazy. Work is busy and personal life is busy and oh yes, I have two small children folk. All of the things are good, if not exhausting, if not intense, if not woah, I'm just tired.
Tonight I'm putting the girls to bed as early as humanly possible then I'm eating old takeout and working on the couch until I give up and will then commence bingeing on Orange is the New Black SEASON THREE YAAAAAS YAAAAAS MY QUEEN. I want to be asleep by 10:00.
Life as a part-time working mom is such a limbo land. Somedays we laze and run in the fire hydrant and make the house a giant mess, sometimes I put on booties and a dress and very loud music in my ears and I get going to work.
I like working. I like what I'm working on. I like wearing booties.
I'm struggling with this identity shift because I always thought I'd stay home with any kids I had till they were in preschool or kindergarten. I felt very strongly tied to my identity as a full time mother, honestly couldn't imagine doing it any other way.
And now I just feel differently. I'm a happier mom as a working mom. I'm a happier person as a working person. I feel tiny waves of guilt when I put that out there, when I admit it's not just for the money that I'm working. It's the oldest blah blah in the book, but it turns out many people want you to want to stay home with your kids. People squirm a little when you say otherwise. I know I used to!
I'm a little too tired to tie this up with a bow. But I think I want to tell people that this is a positive change for me and not to worry about me or wring their hands. Just like the idea of leaving my pretty old house in Connecticut seemed difficult to the outside world and it really wasn't at all. I think it might look like a really sudden change, this working life, this booties life, but was really a couple years in the making. So yes. I'm tired, but I'm good! I'm good.