I don't watch American Idol anymore (after 10 years of intense dedication I just could not with that) and I have no idea if they play "Bad Day" anymore when someone gets booted. No, right? Maybe that was only the first year? I should know this. It's like a terrible Daughtry song I think.
Anyways. It delighted me that this very pop poppy song was accompanying a sad moment in such an earnest but weird way. Imagine that song, with my very favorite key change at the end, accompanying this post.
I had a doozy yesterday. Wait, ne'rmind, I forgot I hate the word doozy. Yesterday was bad. I engaged with something and someone that doesn't need to be in any part of my life and a whole insane spiral resulted. Amy! Stop. But it's so hard sometimes.
What I mostly want to say, though, is how comforting it is that comfort can be so easily regained if I tap into the things I need. Instead of sitting on the kitchen floor and eating yet another Cadbury creme egg, I got quiet and listened to what I was really asking for. And I told myself it was okay that I had a slip up, that I'm human and tired and stressed.
I went for a jog along the promenade at sunset. I listened to super angry old school Kelly Clarkson. I went to bed early. Today I put on soft cozy clothes and drank tea. I did laundry and vacuumed, walked in the sunshine and got Chipotle chicken tacos. I talked out and wrote out what went down the past couple days and forgave myself and others. I stopped thinking about it and started thinking about what I'll do for fun during my sitter time tomorrow.
Self care has been such a strangely hard lesson for me to learn. But really -- it's actually not that hard to achieve. It doesn't take moneys or things or even that much time -- it just takes mindfulness and focus and the vision to make it happen (regardless of a very, very shouty baby). Put that oxygen mask on first, yo.
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